so much for being there. Being there sort of hints that when I call you will make an attempt to pick up the phone. "I'm here if you need me" implies that you might just maybe answer a text once in awhile. Damn if "being there for someone" means to not answer your text email and phone then I am there for everyone all day everyday. I mean for pete's sake can you please at least carry the phone with you so I might just maybe get a random I will text you in a bit I'm busy but I do give a flying f*** about you. I'm hurting and you said that you would be here for me. I do understand that makes me a very needy self absorbed individual but I don't really care right now.(lol)
I'm sorry I am a huge mess right now. I'm sorry that I can't seem to find that happy thing you are always talking about. I can only do surface strong. I am a beach fire toated marshmellow after all. I was broken so long ago I've forgotten what it feels like to be whole, fixed, and happy. There are pieces I picked up and glued back in with paste and stickers (band-aids only work on bloody wounds). There are pieces that are buried and visited if only by me. There are scars that show always and some that show when a memory flashes. he loves me, he loves me not. I wish I knew what I felt. what I'm feeling.
No comments:
Post a Comment