K.I.T.

There is a reason people don't K.I.T. They are not really friends. These people who promise they will be in touch soon or that they will call or email or write and don't because to do so means they care. They finally get a hold of you 3 weeks before the 10 year reunion just so they don't have to go it alone.
It is not my fault you were a bad friend I did my best to reach you every few months. I sent cards and gifts on birthday's and christmas. I sent email when my address changed. Did you? No you didn't because you never really cared for me or mine you were so happy when High school was over and you could go on without the people who genueinely cared for you loooked on in disbelief that you were running from them. I cared for you. You were in my prayers every night. I'm sad now that I lost so many moments wishing I could talk to you to see you to listen to you tell me everything that has happened since. Too bad you are my friend Have a great Summer K.I.T.

#1

so much for being there. Being there sort of hints that when I call you will make an attempt to pick up the phone. "I'm here if you need me" implies that you might just maybe answer a text once in awhile. Damn if "being there for someone" means to not answer your text email and phone then I am there for everyone all day everyday. I mean for pete's sake can you please at least carry the phone with you so I might just maybe get a random I will text you in a bit I'm busy but I do give a flying f*** about you. I'm hurting and you said that you would be here for me. I do understand that makes me a very needy self absorbed individual but I don't really care right now.(lol)

I'm sorry I am a huge mess right now. I'm sorry that I can't seem to find that happy thing you are always talking about. I can only do surface strong. I am a beach fire toated marshmellow after all. I was broken so long ago I've forgotten what it feels like to be whole, fixed, and happy. There are pieces I picked up and glued back in with paste and stickers (band-aids only work on bloody wounds). There are pieces that are buried and visited if only by me. There are scars that show always and some that show when a memory flashes. he loves me, he loves me not. I wish I knew what I felt. what I'm feeling.